Here's something that's been gnawing at me.

 

The U.S. (pop. ~300 million) has something like 60 times the population of Finland (pop. ~5 million). Now even considering that Americans don't pay anywhere near as much tax as Finns, and the fact that maybe the top 2 million or so of the U.S.'s richest either pay even less or don't pay any at all, that's a whole buttload of money.

 

Now, they're not spending it on upkeep, utilities, or standard of living, and they're sure as shit not spending it on health care. So where is all this money going? I mean, "into illegal imperialistic wars based on flat-out government lies" is too easy an answer, and "into the pockets of that top 2 million we were talking about a second ago" is even easier, so here's my theory.

 

The U.S. is the world's little brother.

 

Look at it. The U.S. tries to be one of the grown-ups - tries, in fact, to be the parent - but just like the little brother in the house, he can't even hope to pull it off and just ends up looking funny at best. He's belligerent and moody and irrational and gets in fights all the time, which his older siblings need to help him out of (ooh, in spite of the fact that he furiously refuses to let them) and for which his parents endlessly make excuses (but still find it embarrassing and quietly hope the neighbours aren't watching).

 

In fact, imagine the household's embarrassment if the neighbours did actually turn up one afternoon, with a carrot cake and a "welcome to the galaxy" basket. And the U.S. was in the front yard, having a tantrum because he'd broken one of his toy trucks and nobody would buy him a new one. But I digress.

 

The U.S., and big brother U.N., get their pocket money every month, and the U.S. immediately runs out and spends all of it on candy, leaving himself perpetually broke. Not only this, but he has taken advances on his next month's pocket money, and the month after that, and advances on his advances, and spent all of that money on candy as well. He wants to hang out with the U.N. and his friends, even though he claims not to like them and declares that they're all stuck-up stupid-heads. Because, like most little brothers, he has this mix of hero-worship and inadequacy that makes him resentful even while he helplessly shadows the big boys like a puppy dog.

 

The U.N. and his friends, who have put their money away or spent it on wiser things, can afford to do all sorts of stuff that the U.S. can't, and they don't really want him hanging around ... but of course he's the little brother, and family ties demand that the U.N. looks after him. So the U.N. and his mates let him hang around with them and pretend to be a big boy, and smile indulgently when he makes a loudmouthed, often-dangerous horse's arse of himself.

 

Because, even though he's a bit slow and never has any money to pay his share of the U.N.'s club membership, he's got candy. Shitloads and shitloads and shitloads of candy.

 

And that's why McDonald's, Hollywood, MTV and Coca-Cola is everywhere. And that's why we love it.